the "batcave" doesn't seem appropriate anymore. this place is too chipper to be a cave. maybe i could call it like "ikea, jr." or "ben tries to be a real person". it could be a performance piece as well as a living space.
maybe just "the beige blizzard" or "the tan tornado".
it's been raining for nigh on three days here, ever since the crazy thunderstorm i blizzog'd about below. it actually doesn't bother me at all; i grew up in a place where it rains just about daily for five months or so out of the year, and honestly the sound of rain is a really relaxing, cleansing sort of sound for me. as much as i love the humidity-less air and climate in pullman, i do miss thunderstorms and heavy rains and splashing around in puddles and just, as crazy as it is, those kind of gray, cold, pre-rain overcast mornings when most people wake up and frown at the sky on the way to their cars and jobs. on those days i walk to work with a huge smile on my face, mostly.
i didn't sleep at all last night, and then i slept some this afternoon, but i haven't eaten anything since lunch. i'm not even noticing these things as they go by. i think that means i need to get into a better life-rhythm before classes and such start so i don't melt into mashed potatoes the first time i have to deal with something difficult. i'm eating now, sleeping shortly.
one of my RA posters fell off the wall while i was gone today...took a little chunk out of the paint on its way down to chip the desk and then smash glass all over the floor and, eventually, awkwardly into my foot. smash glass into my foot. that's what it did. yep. fortunately it was like a 3 dollar frame. it's hanging in the frame and glassless right now until another trip to moscow makes itself necessary.
more orientation tomorrow, then wilco. i'll be excited once i get there. i hate hate hate going to movies alone, but i've learned that it's better than the alternative of staying home by myself just because there's nobody to do anything with. it's good for me to get out occasionally. all the same, i hate the feeling of seeing something momentous or interesting or engaging and then just having tons of pent-up response-type feelings and not being able to share them. but that's my problem. anyway, i'll likely be feeling a bit angsty about that and about trying to figure out where to park in spokane and still get to the show on time while feeding myself, etc. i can handle cities when there's lots of walking involved...but cars? not so much. it's like there's a whole culture of car-drivers who mainly see cities as aboveground subway systems, and then there's the walkers who find the interesting stuff partially because they want to and partially because they have to wade through it to avoid the cars. obviously, the second option makes more sense to me. so when i'm in the first category, i get nervous. give me the highway. srsly.
orientation was great today. all the new people seem great (and i say that in complete honesty). the student panel was fucking awesome and i'm really lucky to have the kind of colleagues around that i do, despite my hesitations about the job itself. i do feel a bit more like i'm figuring out what i'm supposed to be doing here...i was a big fan of the "destiny" rhetoric back in may when i accepted this position, so i might as well stick with it...even though i feel like there are a lot of other things i need to do/take care of with my life right now, and being here is getting in the way of some of that...it's also good. i can't tackle everything at once. and some of those other issues may actually be sorted out en route to a Ph.D without my having to force them. there was at least a little evidence of that already today, in a few ways. i don't know why i always feel like i'm the one who knows the best way to get to everything. i don't.
i'm absolutely in the mood to sit and blab at someone for like four hours right now. but. there's nobody around. and i have to get up in six hours and orient all day and then drive to spokane and go to a show and then drive back at like midnight in the morning and not die or try hard at least not to so if i do i don't have to feel like it's my fault. and then i get to get up early friday morning and do more 101 planning. so...i'm going to go read a bit of this smarmy-ass book about corpses and then hopefully sleep.
lair? den-o-something?
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