since about three years ago when comforting things like on-demand hugs and getting to sleep next to someone at night ceased to be a possibility, i've dabbled in a number of replacement strategies, but not too many come as close to satisfactory as the combination of a pizza and warm pajama pants.
yes, i wear pajama pants when it's cold(er), because i (like any sane human male) wear boxers instead of briefs and despite all of the reasons they are superior they are a) not very good at trapping heat and b) fairly indecent if you have to answer the door in a hurry (aka you get lots and lots of packages from amazon.com at like eight in the morning all the time).
anyway, this isn't really a replacement, but it's a comfort. sometimes it's good to have hopes and dreams and wants that you haven't really acquired yet; but sometimes it's better to appreciate the things you have as more than just stepping stones to something better.
so, sleeping in a slightly dryer-warm bed after watching a movie and eating way too much pizza might not be the most exciting night on the block, but it works. i'm getting better at seeing the good in what i'm learning to make do with. with a lot of things. it helps.
i was a little bemused to see that RA deleted a bunch of his blog posts that i've been tangentially referring to throughout the week. it's sort of frustrating...i mean, there is absolutely nothing forcing him to blog interesting shit; it's not like he has a quota or a record label requirement or anything. and it's totally cool that he does it at all. i guess there's just a lot of things he writes that i find myself relating to on a very elemental level. the kinds of things that it would be nice to be able to go back and read again, you know, maybe even a day or two after the original post goes up. but it's always gone by then. i don't really see what you gain by constantly sort of erasing your tracks...i know it's a dumb thing to complain about, but think of how'd you'd feel if every time you cracked open one of your favorite books and was unsure as to whether this might be the one and only time you'd get to read it, that maybe after you were done it would - zap! - disappear and you'd never, ever be able to find or buy or read another copy again.
it's not a huge deal...i'm just a packrat, and a lot of the stuff he's written and posted over the last year has sort of helped me attack some of my own problems from new angles. it'd be cool to be able to hold on to that stuff. but then again, i suck at letting anything go. hence the packrat thing. plus, like i said, i don't understand the point of posting and then deleting everything ad nauseum. and i'm bad at dealing with things i don't understand. with people i don't understand. you can do the wackiest, most fucked-up shit, or the most mundane, boring shit and as long as it makes sense to me on some level, i'm fine with you. but i'm very very very easily frustrated by people acting in ways that don't make sense to me. that's probably why i never have many friends at one time. it's probably why i have to substitute pizza for girlfriends...
orientation starts in a few hours. i should probably try to get some sleep. i'm excited to meet people, but i also despise small talk. and not sleeping. so it's going to be an interesting morning. a little less than 48 hours to wilco. if i can get to spokane in one piece (and fucking get back in one piece) it should be great. pizza calls...NOM NOM NOM
"but i'm very very very easily frustrated by people acting in ways that don't make sense to me" = i feel you.
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