Things I Heard Today, Part Four

After a long hiatus, I've been compelled to bring back Things I Heard Today. Continue using your eyes in the usual reading-things fashion to find out why.

So I was walking to class this morning and ended up walking for awhile behind two girls, one of which told the other one this story (paraphrased from memory):

"So, I was in Starbucks this morning and I was sitting across from this mom and her two little girls, and the girls were arguing, like, fake-arguing, and one was yelling 'COUGS!' and the other was yelling 'DUCKS!' and they kept just going back and forth, like 'COUGS!' and then 'DUCKS!' and 'COUGS!' and then 'DUCKS!' Eventually, one of the little girls turned to her mom and asked: 'Mommy? Cougs or Ducks?' and the mom answered 'Ducks, sweetheart.'"

At this point, I was thinking to myself "Aww, what a cute story," thinking that it was over. But no. The narration continued:

"So I totally stood up and yelled 'GO COUGS!!!' at all three of them, and then walked out."

And that's what happened to me today.

things i heard today, part three

1. [On C Street, just outside of Valhalla, courtesy of a girl in a tube top and shorts and heels, despite the fact that it was snowing sideways]: Girl 1: "Hey motherfucker! Yeah, I'll cut your dick off with a knife...is what I would say to him if he was here."

2. [In the Emerald Downs parking lot, from a group of four guys gathered around a car]: Guy 1: "Hey, faggot, I didn't know you were legally allowed to buy a car that color unless you were sixty years old!" (The car was silver.)

Also, in two separate places along B Street, two different people (with different "hand"writing) had written the word "FUCK" in the snow using their fingers within about fifty feet of one another.

things i heard today, part two

1. [On the Hello Walk, one guy to a group of his guy friends] Guy 1: "Yeah, so then she was just standing there, waving her snatch at me!" Guy 2: "Yeah?!" Guy 1: "Yeah, and I just really wanted to punch her as hard as I could in her snatch, you know?" Guy 3: "Yeah, I totally get it!"

2. [In front of the library, two girls] Girl 1: "I just don't get why I have to take this class, you know?" Girl 2: "Yeah..." Girl 1: "I mean, I just don't see what history has to do with anything!"

things i heard today

this might become a regular feature, but even if it doesn't...whoo-hoo, today was a whopper for in-public oversharing:

1. [On the Hello Walk, 3:10pm] Girl 1: "I made out with Eric and Mike right after they both threw up...and then once I found out that they had thrown up, it made me throw up. Then I passed out until this morning!" Girl 2: "That's amazing! Awesome!"

2. [Outside Valhalla, 12:10am] Girl 1: "Hey, bitch!" Girl 2: "Yeah?" Girl 1: "Is my ass hanging out?!" Girl 2: "What?!" Girl 1: "Can you see my ass, is it hanging out?" Girl 2: "Umm..." Girl 1: "Is my fucking ass hanging out of my skirt, can you see the bottom part of my ass?!" Girl 2: [Looking] "No, I don't think so..."

3. [D Street, 12:15am] Girl 1: "Katherine! Kate! Kat! Slow down!" Girl 2: "Sorry I'm walking so fast, Mike's got coke at his house and I need to get some before he goes to bed!"