"i am a jedi knight"

but not the archetypal, luke-skywalker kind. i'm the brooding, emo kind, like kyp in the early years after del rey got the star wars book contract, or jacen solo before he became a sith lord.

i like the idea of being a jedi and i like the philosophy behind it. but i would suck at it.

i have good hand-eye coordination, but i don't have the patience to learn sword forms.

diet coke fucks up your ability to focus on levitating things with your mind.

i have dry skin, so the robes would be uncomfortable.

i'd enjoy killing evil dictators too much.

i'd do lots of heroic things for romantic reasons.

if a bad guy captured my girlfriend or my dog, i'd turn to the dark side to catch him.

i would insist on getting to fly my spaceship whenever a bunch of us jedi were going on a trip.

i would cheat and learn force lightning because...well fuck, who wouldn't?!

luke would hate me for poking holes in the jedi's simplistic, black and white moral code during class discussions.

my aforementioned dog would bark whenever people were trying to meditate on the force.

why be a jedi when you could be a SPACE PIRATE?!

NO CHAUCER IN SPACE.