yawn/not yawn

1. feeling sorry for myself
2. playing "jedi knight 2: jedi academy"

those are the two things i'm really good at right now. unfortunately, neither one is very constructive.

i finished up my portfolio quota for the day a few hours ago, but i'm so jacked up on caffeine that i can't sleep.

there's a fine line between needing to pretty consistently express myself and question what it is i think about whatever i'm currently thinking about AND just being a grumpy, brooding 14 year old stuck about 12 years too late. i'm never really sure which side of that line i'm on.

but really, i almost went crazy once a long time ago because:
1. i was too scared to say anything
2. i didn't have anyone to listen

i can't control #2, but i can control #1. so now i have to do it. you don't have to listen. that's cool. nobody will grab your eyes and force them to gaze into the depths of the blog. (DOIT or snakes will eat your fingernails)

good news tomorrow. i would write about it now but i'm not really in the frame of mind to do so. i'd like to talk about it when i can do it justice. and be excited about it (which i am). and have it be daytime instead that part of nighttime when the only other thing alive is the parking-lot sweeper at dissmore's. it sort of sounds like a huge metal bee outside my window.

15 more portfolios tomorrow and then i'm done with all that stuff. then there's other stuff to do too, but that's usually the case every day unless it's the day you stop being alive, so i guess i shouldn't make that big of a deal about it...

i fucking love this, if for no other reason than the shot at the 1:05 mark with the golden retriever and the bunny.

WEREWOLPH- "Saturday Again (Balladeous Opus)" from Wilson Wolf on Vimeo.

i listened to the rest of the fourth trey show tonight (awesome, review tomorrow when i've had breakfast and washed my fucking nutso hair), and then i spent like an hour on the rod stewart pandora station (awesome, bryan adams "heaven" is fucking the balls) and then an hour on the celtic frost pandora station. possibly the weirdest juxtaposition of music ever. pandora is great; it's just a shame the tracks it plays don't scrobble on last.fm. i guess that's sort of anathema. like cross-contaminating or something. cross-contaminating biscuits and chicken (andrea would be the only one who would get that, but i don't think she reads this blog because secretly she thinks i'm crazy...i guess we'll see now...HO HO HO!!)

my parents have called me a bunch of times in the last few days and i haven't called them back yet. i feel sort of bad, but i've been working about 18-20 hours since tuesday every day, and that doens't leave a lot of time for the socializing. i set a bad precedent by always calling them a lot on my way home after work on normal days, and then when things go crazy during finals week or something i disappear and i guess it freaks them out. but that's just the way this job iz. it fucking steals your life every once in awhile and then you wake up and have to build it all over again using bryan adams songs and fucking awesome grilled cheese sandwiches and dreams about taking girls you will never see to movies that spielberg will never make.

i had this theory that i had actually learned some things/changed some things for the better in the past three years. but read a few of these blog entries (here and here) from just before my move to pullman and you'll find this is not the case at all. actually, pretty much anything from between january 2005-august 2005 is a fun read if you're bored.