welcome to the batcave, part one

i am a teeny bit drunk and maybe a lot bit something else, and since there's nobody to talk to or dance with or climb on trains with or lick, i'm going to talk to my blog. hello blog. i bet you are seeing everything in the colors it's all meant to be in at the moment. that must be good for you.

more people leaving pullman, some forever. that's pretty sad. not because i am super super intense good friends with them but because they are awesome and i'm a social fuckup and thus have now officially missed my chance to be cool to them like they deserve. sometimes i feel like i don't break anything, but i don't build anything either.

i had this loooong moment on the walk back home where i thought for goddamn sure the fucking sidewalk was going to grab my feet and just hold me there or maybe throw me in the road. a lot of my weird, paranoid, something-something feelings have to do with locomotion; fears that the road will grab me or keep me from moving or take my shoes or make me move too fast. probably a metaphor for something. just like the dream i had last night that me and my friend curt snuck into a movie theatre to see a movie called "czechoslovakia", because i couldn't pronounce the title so we didn't buy tickets. them i felt bad and went out to buy a ticket and our high school chemistry teacher was selling them and he gave me like 30 of them for free because "people don't fucking care about 'czechoslovakia', take them all!" then the theatre turned into our high school play because that was pretty much the one thing in high school that i gave a shit about, as fucked up as that is, and it wasn't just because the girl i had a huge crush on was in the play because she was too cool for me (in a good way) and probably still is. i think she's married to some dude. that seems like the thing to do, i guess.

oh shit, brains.

i would literally kill a fucking moose with my bear hands right now for a pizza. or for someone equally insane to palaver with until like 5am when we both fell asleep on the floor. and if it was a girl, i prefer that she be cute. or some variation thereof. i would probably try to read parts of the "canterbury tales" from memory in my death metal voice and she would get scared and call the fashion police and they would say "oh, well we don't really respond to these types of calls -" but then they would see what i'm wearing and be like "oh fuck, you're coming with us, son".

and then i would go to fashion jail and take remedial fashion classes where they teach you things like "NO BLACK SHOES WITH BROWN SHIRTS! OR BROWN SHOES WITH BALCK SHIRTS! OR PINK AND BROWN DON'T GO TOGEHTER WHAT THE FUCK"

i text messaged a bunch of my friends because it was eaither that or creepily call them and make an ass of myself. so sorry about that, but you guys got the better end of the deal trust me. even when my brain is made of mega blocks i can't fucking lie (MEGA BLOCKS NOT LEGOS MY BRAIN IS TOO CHEAP FOR LEGOS)

anyway. here's a rundown of my weapons of mass destruction. i was going to do this to avoid rambling...but...too late i guess:
1)


this is leslie (aka "frankenstein" because she's had multiple neck surgeries and has tons and tons of scars and shit on her neck). she's my least-used guitar but she's awesome for certain special purpose like maximum overdrive and playing really high on the fretboard for a really long time and strumming while eating cracker jack. she's sort of like courtney cox's character on "friends"...you like to look at her, but she doesn't really contribute consistently. but then when she does, you're like "bloody hell, i couldn't even do that myself if i tried!" she's also a bit like the princess/yoshi in mario kart. i'm pretty sure if she was a human she would be really tall and a little standoffish but actually go home and night and eat ice cream and sniffle at romantic comedies because she doesn't know how to lower her standards but she's really lonely. or maybe that's me.

2)


this is mary katherine gallagher. so named because, like mary katherine gallagher she's oddly shaped, a little heavy and unwieldy, and likes to scream and fall over and break through shit. she also likes to be an electric bass while not being those things. she was once named voivod, but i've changed the name because mary katherine is less sexy. when i play her i always feel like i should be wearing a stocking cap and feeling ironically apathetic about everything and smoking camels. but i would never play bass in a band because that negates the slight possibility that the bass player would be a girl who's into playing super nintendo and eating fishsticks without cooking them. oh fuck, that's disgusting. obviously bowser and donkey kong from mario kart.

3)


this is betty. her full name is "i can call you betty and when i call you betty you can call me al". because that's just an awesome name. she's the only acoustic guitar i've had for six years, so she doesn't need special qualities. she's inherently essential. like phoebe from "friends". phoebe was never anyone's favorite character (except mine), but if you really think about it, who could you subtract from the show and just not have a show at all? just phoebe. she's like the fucking basement. she holds up the rest of the house but nobody ever really goes down there. like mario and luigi in mario kart. she has a nice sound, but the honest-to-god truth is that i've played lots of acoustic guitars i like better. sorry.

4)


this is rusty (aka phoenix). so named because he's an electric guitar made entirely of wood. he's the rachel of "friends", and the toad and koopa of mario kart. pretty much my go-to guitar for anything that's not explicitly acoustic. fun to hold, better to play, and actually looks like a fucking guitar when i play it instead of like a 1/2 size mini-guitar. and the clean tone on it through my main amp is just fucking disgustinly gorgeous. it's so much like sirens singing that i have to make sure my bathtub is drained before i start playing him so i don't try to swim to the bottom of it.

whoa...somewhere in the midst of that post everything got slow and applesaucey. i think i might try to walk to the store (in sandals so the road can't get a grip on my shoes) to get some food. food is essential. i may delete this post in the morning.

i'm working on a series of videos of me playing songs...not music videos, just me playing. i'm bummed i didn't get to play at all this winter/spring because of my car, so i'd like to at least do an internet set or something. anyway, more on that tomorrowwww.