...and that makes me very, very happy.
i stepped out for a minute earlier from my responding-to-grade-responses just to get a breath of not-office air, and it was the weird sort of chilly, quiet, dark, absolute stillness that you can really only experience either out in the middle of nowhere at night or on campus in pullman the week after finals. not a soul to be found/heard/smelt/touched anywhere. or tasted, i guess, if you're a soul eater. i'm not, really.
my film is "rendering" again. for like 30 minutes. and then, at the end of the rendering, the angel inside of the adobe premiere will either decide to be merciful and everything will be okay in terms of file size, resolution, and color depth, or else it will be minutely off for the 100th time and i'll have to re-render and sit here for another 30 minutes waiting. again. moviemaking is hard work, folks. don't let those devil-may-care movie people you see on E! convince you otherwise.
my trey mix is coming along well. it's going to be 2 CDs. but it's cool. i was too lazy to edit the soundfiles to make sure the tracks flow decently...mostly because i figure maybe 2 people are going to download it anyway. but largely there aren't any awkward segue ways to work around. listening to jennifer and christina ripping it up on "dragonfly" right now...makes me want to ice skate on a frozen rainbow. i don't know how to ice skate though. shitboxes.
so anyway, i was standing outside earlier and suddenly this weird feeling hit me. it's the feeling i get usually before i disappear off the face of the earth for like a month or break into a football stadium or something. the best way i ever heard it put is "staring at the side of the universe"; like you can see everything but it's all outside of you and you're a (hopefully) dispassionate observer. i realized that i could pretty much do anything. not because i'm capable of doing anything, but because at least for the next three weeks i am absolutely not beholden to anything or anyone. no deadlines, no expections, nobody to talk to, nobody to care about or worry about, etc. a lot of times i approach these sorts of situations negatively...and with good reason. i mean, the above list sort of necessitates being lonely, bored and shiftless, possibly for long periods of time without relief. but at the same time it's sort of good in the sense that...well...i can do whatever i want. i guess i should take advantage of that while i can instead of feeling sorry for myself. especially because so much of this summer and the next four years of my life are going to be dictated for me. i mean, i don't necessarily have to like hit the road and hitchhike down the coast or anything...i could stick with day-to-day stuff.
this post was a lot clearer in my head before i worked for four hours, ate a huge donut and drank a bunch of diet coke.
i signed the lease for my new apartment today. the balcony, unfortunately, faces towards the parking lot instead of towards the hills, but hell, it's still a balcony. and it's somewhere else to live instead of westviewmyballsinyourmouth apartments. i'll have to double up on rent for two months over the summer, but hell i wouldn't be me if i wasn't paying off debt. if i ever saved up enough money to actually have some semblance of a real life, i'd probably be such a destructive whirlwind of fucking coolness that i'd collapse in on myself, form a huge black hole and devour all life.
movie is still rendering.
i'm opening a new blog at locke456.wordpress.com because of a few writing groups i've joined for the summer. this will still be my usual blog, but these are semi-serious literary writing groups and i wanted to have a slightly more formal setting for those posts. i'll mirror-post them here, but there should be some good stuff by lots of good writers flying around on the other blog. if you go there now there won't be anything cool...it's under the construction.
jesus christ, i think it might be thundering. that only happens here like twice i year. i have to go outside. laters.
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