if only there were handy metaphors in popular culture to explain confusion about relationships!

but there aren't.

seriously. in the last few years i've finally made peace with just about everything i used to be so incredibly insecure and unsure about: my physical appearance, my social anxiety, my ability as a teacher, my ability as a student, my own self-worth, my ability as a musician, as a singer, as a writer, as an artist.

i'm not confident in any of these things 100 percent of the time, but i'm confident in them enough of the time that i'm confident that i'm as confident as a normal person. ahem. "normal". person.

not so when it comes to dating. the main problem i ultimately have when trying to ask someone out, i've realized, after about ten days of worrying about it, is that i honestly cannot conceive of a situation in which any particular girl would be interested in me. i always end up in bad relationships because once a girl expresses interest in me, i immediately jump into dating because it's such a shock to me i want to take advantage of it. obviously this is stupid, and i realize that, and i'm not going to do it anymore. but that doesn't solve my basic problem: i'm convinced i'm completely unvaluable as a romantic partner. i'm not saying this in a whiny way, i'm not fishing for compliments. i'm just stating a fact. everytime i think about asking a girl out on a date, i literally cannot cannot imagine a situation in which she would say yes. so i just never ask. huh.