Jun 25, 2008
a thought from the actual present
i was talking to bowes awhile back and he posited (in response to me saying that i wanted a relationship with someone who i could be nice to) something like (and i'm paraphrasing heavily) that everyone gets with someone else primarily because they want to make themselves happy. i of course bristled at this because i like to think sunshine and puppies secretely shoot from people's asses. but there's definitely some truth to it. however, i also wondered today: what if what would make you personally happy would be making someone else happy? like, you could meet your own selfish need for happiness by doing nice things for other people? i think that's sort of my thing; empathy is personally satisfying. so yeah, maybe when i'm interested in someone it's largely because i think they'll improve my life, but since i gain a lot of my self-worth by being able to help other people and be empathetic towards them, it would ideally also be helping to improve their life in the process. beans.
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I totally agree with you, and so does Marshall Rosenberg of Nonviolent Communication, who says contributing to others' lives is a basic human need.
ReplyDeleteIn a deeper relationship I guess you have to accept that the person will make you angry or disappointed sometimes, or sometimes you can't enjoy giving to them. On that note it's important that they also give to you.
Of course, I'm not in a relationship, so...
beans! ya!
ReplyDeleteyou can have deep relationships with people without making out with them, you know :)
ReplyDeleteinterestingly, the Bible also agrees with you. It's one of the constant themes. I think it's interesting that you would make a parallel statement.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that looking for what you know you can't provide for yourself is a totally normal human response and even exhibits some wisdom.
word.
mike,
ReplyDeletedo you mean about wanting to make others happy? i'm not sure what you're getting at.
however, i am strangely heartened by your statement even though i'm not sure what it means.
also, i really am going to call you eventually...especially because everytime you call it sounds like there's a new orleans jazz band playing in the background.