summer of the memes

so i had to explain the "double rainbow song" to a (disgustingly uncultured) friend of mine today, and it reminded me that i'd wanted to write this entry awhile back and then it slipped my mind when i got caught up in fistfighting bears and writing poetry.

this summer was memorable for a lot of reasons (many of which i will someday hopefully get around to writing about before i totally forget about any of them), and somehow the soundtrack to much of the adventure and action was (for some reason) based on three ridiculously addictive/bizarre internet memes.

1) the '60s-era IHOP theme song
this one was introduced on, i think, the first day that john was in pullman.  he innocently mentioned that there was some batshit insane video on youtube of an old IHOP commercial, and so, being the connoisseur of batshit insanity that i am, i had to check it out.  this is what i saw:

WHAT.  IS.  HAPPENING.
why the voice?  i mean, i understand that going to IHOP is an excuse for dressing up in your sunday best and fucking skipping across a field with a huge cloud of balloons clutched in your trembling fist because IHOP is awesome and if you are NOT caught up in a paroxysm of joy at the prospect of panqueques, there's something wrong with you.
however.  this is horrifying.  the singing seems to be slightly off-rhythm from the music, and both are insane.  also, nobody in this commercial GETS PANCAKES.  two people get vaguely italian dishes, one person gets a salad, and the fourth person gets what is obviously a now-extinct giant mollusk pulled from the depths of the sea off the shore of whatever dark, lovecraftian hamlet this IHOP is located in.  thanks, IHOP.  i not only never want to go to IHOP again now, i never want to go ANYWHERE again.

2) nanerpuss
this was introduced to me by lindsey, on the same day as the above commercial.  here's the original:

now that's crazy, but it also has this bizarre, catchy quality to it.  the kind of quality that makes you wake up in the middle of the night sweating, screaming that you are the nanerpuss, and - guess what?! - you like pancakes.  it gets worse:

are you dead yet?  here's my favorite:

this is the one that cracked my world in half.  for weeks afterwards i would literally halt in the middle of a busy word day, and unaware if what i myself was doing would shout "I'M WHAT'S KNOWN AS THE NANERPUSS!  I AM A BANANANANANANA!!!!"  for serious.  it was bad.

3) the double rainbow song
i'm not going to explain this one to you if you don't already know it.  the first video is the necessary context.  the second video is the song.  this song was my ringtone all summer because it is awesome, and surprisingly catchy and song-like and good and i like it.  you should listen.

  

all roads lead to fucking

no, seriously.  look at the picture.  not photoshopped.

foo, you just got nailed!

last night, i heroically dealt with squads of armacham soldiers the only way i know how...with a nailgun.

i'm looking at you, valhalla

if you're in a "dance club" and you ask the DJ to play some new order and they say "who?", it's not actually a dance club.

when it rains, it pours lemonade (that you made from the lemons life gave you)

so, in my 10619 days of life on earth, i've now locked my keys in my car twice.  that means, on any given day, i'm .0188% likely to lock my keys in the car (and 99.98% likely to not).  those are pretty good odds.  unless, of course, you consider the fact that the last time i locked my keys in the car was almost a year ago today.  that means that within the last year, i've actually been .55% likely to lock my keys in the car, up drastically from 0% in the previous 28 years.  at the rate i'm currently going, assuming i live to be 70 years old, i will lock my keys in the car 82 more times before my death (the movement of technology away from metal keys towards biometrics notwithstanding).

all this math shit leads to a more important question: is grad school making me lose my mind?

i'm almost certain that i'm stupider than i was five years ago, though i'm not sure exactly if grad school is to blame.  all the hookers and blow might have something to do with it, i suppose.