yeah, like it says up there.
but really, you have a grill in the bed of your F-350? are you even trying to be someone? that's so cliche it's like the rest of your life is just layed out like the answer key to a sudoku puzzle. brains are cool, get one. even though you will be shit-sideways and alone in my apartment if you try.
fuck. i'm such an idiot. self-loathing begins NOW. please stand by for download of stupidity modules.
DOWNLOAD FINISHED.
waaaaaaaah.
i should delete this in the morning, when i can see and feel again.
gah.
Nov 14, 2008
mike prewett is awesome.
this guy just sent me all of his music, including what appears to be a stellar 2-disc mixtape (with liner notes) for no reason. other than that he's awesome.
couldn't have been better timing either (since i'm obviously frustrated enough right now to kill a rhinoceros with my bare hands). i am currently listening to an actual, official-looking copy of "the becky adams ep", one of my favorite albums of 2007, and it's excellent, still. it's also nice to have a copy of "leaving" to replace the copy i have that's scratched to shit from carrying it around in a cracked CD case inside my acoustic guitar case for like a year when i was road-tripping from washington to ohio and back.
good times.
couldn't have been better timing either (since i'm obviously frustrated enough right now to kill a rhinoceros with my bare hands). i am currently listening to an actual, official-looking copy of "the becky adams ep", one of my favorite albums of 2007, and it's excellent, still. it's also nice to have a copy of "leaving" to replace the copy i have that's scratched to shit from carrying it around in a cracked CD case inside my acoustic guitar case for like a year when i was road-tripping from washington to ohio and back.
good times.
10:05am. still pissed.
i don't feel any better. fortunately, they're spraying that sealant that releases airborne silicon (read: carcinogenic) on the sidewalks again, so soon i'll either be dead or high. or both.
impotently spraying sad all over teh intarwebs
so, 29 hours away from the beginning of the festival, after a week of preparation (including an awesomely fun and simultaneously reassuring 8-hour drive-everywhere-and-buy-things session tonight), and after a month of planning ahead to make time to actually make the film on saturday morning/night...apple postpones the festival until "after the holidays".
ARRRRGH. so fucking frustrated. i don't usually write on here just to vent. it's usually, if it's venting at all, venting for a purpose. i don't have a purpose right now; i'm just fucking angry.
how the hell do you suddenly realize that you're having logistical problems setting up your worldwide internet film festival a day before it starts? especially if you're APPLE?
what the hell?!
it's been really fun getting ready for this, and though i absolutely love making movies and would probably throw my awesome and rewarding career as a teacher away in a second if i had a chance to make them regularly, i'm most disappointed because i feel like i've gotten to know a few people really well during this process and have begun to think of them as really good friends...and i was really looking forward to slogging it out with them this weekend. instead, now, it'll be back to the grind as usual all weekend, my next justifiable break coming whenever they decide to reschedule the festival for (january? march?)...that is assuming everyone will still be interested in participating by then (i sure will, but i can't speak for everyone else).
well i guess i have thanksgiving break and christmas break, but everyone (including me) scatters to the four winds at those times, so that doesn't really work so much for socializing.
our little "meeting" tonight was great and i was stoked about his film and the experience of making it. i guess the silver lining is that we'll have more time to prepare, to learn the ins and outs of final cut and camera-ing and whatnot...and i'm sure as it gets to be a few days from now and things return to normal the disappointment will disappear; it always does.
but right now i'm just really annoyed and i know the rest of the guys and gals are too, and that's even more annoying. this fucking sucks. i have to teach in five hours, so i guess i should go to bed. ugh.
ARRRRGH. so fucking frustrated. i don't usually write on here just to vent. it's usually, if it's venting at all, venting for a purpose. i don't have a purpose right now; i'm just fucking angry.
how the hell do you suddenly realize that you're having logistical problems setting up your worldwide internet film festival a day before it starts? especially if you're APPLE?
what the hell?!
it's been really fun getting ready for this, and though i absolutely love making movies and would probably throw my awesome and rewarding career as a teacher away in a second if i had a chance to make them regularly, i'm most disappointed because i feel like i've gotten to know a few people really well during this process and have begun to think of them as really good friends...and i was really looking forward to slogging it out with them this weekend. instead, now, it'll be back to the grind as usual all weekend, my next justifiable break coming whenever they decide to reschedule the festival for (january? march?)...that is assuming everyone will still be interested in participating by then (i sure will, but i can't speak for everyone else).
well i guess i have thanksgiving break and christmas break, but everyone (including me) scatters to the four winds at those times, so that doesn't really work so much for socializing.
our little "meeting" tonight was great and i was stoked about his film and the experience of making it. i guess the silver lining is that we'll have more time to prepare, to learn the ins and outs of final cut and camera-ing and whatnot...and i'm sure as it gets to be a few days from now and things return to normal the disappointment will disappear; it always does.
but right now i'm just really annoyed and i know the rest of the guys and gals are too, and that's even more annoying. this fucking sucks. i have to teach in five hours, so i guess i should go to bed. ugh.
Nov 12, 2008
neighbor of the beast
this was originally going to be post 667...get it?
then i got carried with all that picture garbage.
i'm wearing my awesome heavy-ass wool backpacking socks for the first time of the year tonight. i'm still putting all the pictures i take into a "fall 08" folder, but pretty soon i'm going to have to face up to that whole world-orbiting-the-sun thing and make a "winter 08" folder. that's cool. but it should snow. at least.
all the ahead-ed-ness i've built up working my ass off over the last ten weeks was pretty much frittered away this weekend. which is fine. but just funny. it was like i could only overachieve for so long and then i had to start underachieving for awhile. i cancelled class yesterday, and veteran's day cancelled class today. so i basically had a four-day weekend, and for a large part of that weekend i hung out with friends, went to bars, spent money i didn't have on dinners i wasn't hungry enough to justify, and basically rediscovered what it's like to enjoy being a part of something.
i also slept a lot. i'm always a little hesitant to get into the habit of sleeping too much, because it makes me really depressed, really quickly. especially during this time of the year when so many of the hours of the day are dark. but i didn't really have a choice this time...i didn't have to set an alarm for four days and on some level my body just sort of said "fuck this" and i ended up sleeping until 2 or 3 in the afternoon every day. i adjusted pretty well because it was necessary to, but i'm also glad i have to get up again tomorrow and get on a normal sleep schedule...just in time for the film festival on friday/saturday/sunday...
i spent the afternoon/evening at rico's with a few of the people and the professor from one of my grad seminars, then came back here to catch up on some of the work i should have been doing earlier in the weekend. i did actually clean the shit out of my apartment this weekend, which took most of a day but was something i really needed to do.
anyway, thanks in large part to my friend sarah i was able to avoid a pedagogy meltdown after i got home...and i've spent the rest of the night touching up this paper draft i'm supposed to turn in...right now. whew.
so i'm sitting here at the moment, and despite the happenings of the last few days and their awesomeness, i feel suddenly cold and quiet and shut-down and extremely lonely...well, lonely's not really the word...i guess "alone" is more appropriate. which is weird. because i'm less alone than i've probably been since i last lived with a bunch of friends way back when. but this is what always seems to happen when i spend a bunch of time with people and enjoy myself: when it's over, my immediate, unintentiona response is to feel completely abandoned.
i think that's probably why for so many years i was (i like to this "was" instead of "am") mostly a loner...when i'm alone all the time, it sort of makes me an antisocial wanker and life is sort of boring and doesn't have much of a point outside of selfishness/self-indulgence, but then when i'm not a loner and try to really engage with people, i just keep wanting to do it more and more and it seems like a never reach a point where the cessation of socializing doesn't just leave me feeling like shit.
i don't do any of this on purpose and obviously i realize it's fucked up, but it's a recurring theme in my life, from pretty much about as far back as i can remember having thoughts about other people. nature vs. nurture my ass.
i just typed "myspace" by mistake when typing "my ass".
that means it's probably time to eat house and watch some pizza.
ohwhateverfuck.
the moral of the story? i'm a fucking weirdo and am apparently unconsciously unbelievably demanding socially, and the only cure for it is for me to just become a hermit and be miserable and bored because of that instead.
there's got to be some constructive answer to that whole problem, i just haven't figured it out yet. good thing i'm crazy, or life would be boring.
back to my lonely, boring, miserable life with all of my awesome, intelligent, interesting, friends that i totally don't deserve...ha. ha. ha.
accordionz. is that how you spell it?
then i got carried with all that picture garbage.
i'm wearing my awesome heavy-ass wool backpacking socks for the first time of the year tonight. i'm still putting all the pictures i take into a "fall 08" folder, but pretty soon i'm going to have to face up to that whole world-orbiting-the-sun thing and make a "winter 08" folder. that's cool. but it should snow. at least.
all the ahead-ed-ness i've built up working my ass off over the last ten weeks was pretty much frittered away this weekend. which is fine. but just funny. it was like i could only overachieve for so long and then i had to start underachieving for awhile. i cancelled class yesterday, and veteran's day cancelled class today. so i basically had a four-day weekend, and for a large part of that weekend i hung out with friends, went to bars, spent money i didn't have on dinners i wasn't hungry enough to justify, and basically rediscovered what it's like to enjoy being a part of something.
i also slept a lot. i'm always a little hesitant to get into the habit of sleeping too much, because it makes me really depressed, really quickly. especially during this time of the year when so many of the hours of the day are dark. but i didn't really have a choice this time...i didn't have to set an alarm for four days and on some level my body just sort of said "fuck this" and i ended up sleeping until 2 or 3 in the afternoon every day. i adjusted pretty well because it was necessary to, but i'm also glad i have to get up again tomorrow and get on a normal sleep schedule...just in time for the film festival on friday/saturday/sunday...
i spent the afternoon/evening at rico's with a few of the people and the professor from one of my grad seminars, then came back here to catch up on some of the work i should have been doing earlier in the weekend. i did actually clean the shit out of my apartment this weekend, which took most of a day but was something i really needed to do.
anyway, thanks in large part to my friend sarah i was able to avoid a pedagogy meltdown after i got home...and i've spent the rest of the night touching up this paper draft i'm supposed to turn in...right now. whew.
so i'm sitting here at the moment, and despite the happenings of the last few days and their awesomeness, i feel suddenly cold and quiet and shut-down and extremely lonely...well, lonely's not really the word...i guess "alone" is more appropriate. which is weird. because i'm less alone than i've probably been since i last lived with a bunch of friends way back when. but this is what always seems to happen when i spend a bunch of time with people and enjoy myself: when it's over, my immediate, unintentiona response is to feel completely abandoned.
i think that's probably why for so many years i was (i like to this "was" instead of "am") mostly a loner...when i'm alone all the time, it sort of makes me an antisocial wanker and life is sort of boring and doesn't have much of a point outside of selfishness/self-indulgence, but then when i'm not a loner and try to really engage with people, i just keep wanting to do it more and more and it seems like a never reach a point where the cessation of socializing doesn't just leave me feeling like shit.
i don't do any of this on purpose and obviously i realize it's fucked up, but it's a recurring theme in my life, from pretty much about as far back as i can remember having thoughts about other people. nature vs. nurture my ass.
i just typed "myspace" by mistake when typing "my ass".
that means it's probably time to eat house and watch some pizza.
ohwhateverfuck.
the moral of the story? i'm a fucking weirdo and am apparently unconsciously unbelievably demanding socially, and the only cure for it is for me to just become a hermit and be miserable and bored because of that instead.
there's got to be some constructive answer to that whole problem, i just haven't figured it out yet. good thing i'm crazy, or life would be boring.
back to my lonely, boring, miserable life with all of my awesome, intelligent, interesting, friends that i totally don't deserve...ha. ha. ha.
accordionz. is that how you spell it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)